


I Can't Follow

by Annaelle



Series: Marvel Oneshots [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Endgame, Steve loves Peggy, This is really me trying to deal, and Steve loves Bucky, bucky loves steve, i'm okay, it's all good, kind of, spoilers for avengers endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 17:13:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18595783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annaelle/pseuds/Annaelle
Summary: After… after Steve had given the shield to Sam, and after Bruce had complained about alternate timelines and divergences until he was nearly blue in the face (hah!), Bucky settled himself on the bench beside Steve.Bucky had always hoped Steve would make a move on Peggy—had always liked the woman who called Steve out on his shit as much as he did—and he wanted Steve to have his chance with her…But it hurt to be left behind nonetheless.SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS ENDGAME. INTROSPECTIVE BUCKY BARNES. SET POST-ENDGAME.





	I Can't Follow

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno, guys. 
> 
> Just venting frustration at the lack of communication shown. 
> 
> Love, Annaelle

**I Can’t Follow**

**“They say ‘Follow your heart…’ But I cannot follow where you are going.”  
—Renate Suzuki**

**Bucky**

After… after Steve had given the shield to Sam, and after Bruce had complained about alternate timelines and divergences until he was nearly blue in the face (hah!), Bucky settled himself on the bench beside Steve.

His hands—both vibranium and flesh—trembled a little, because while he’d known what Steve was going to do, while he’d expected nothing less… it was a lot harder to see evidence of Steve having lived an entire life without him than he had thought. Bucky had always hoped Steve would make a move on Peggy—had always liked the woman who called Steve out on his shit as much as he did—and he _wanted_ Steve to have his chance with her…

But it _hurt_ to be left behind nonetheless.

Peggy might be the love of Steve’s life, but Bucky _knew_ , without a shred of doubt, that Steve was the love of his. Whether that meant a platonic relationship or more, Bucky had never really cared, as long as he had Steve in his life.

As long as he was around to see Steve be happy.

He hadn’t been this time, and that… Bucky would need time to get used to that. Shuri could probably recommend a good therapist or two to him.

“You punk,” he finally said, lightly bumping his shoulder against Steve’s, because while the other man still seemed pretty spry for a hundred-year-old, Bucky didn’t want to accidentally knock him off the bench and break his hip or something. “How’d your girl take you being back?”

Steve smiled, and beneath all the wrinkles, he was still the punk that Bucky had grown up with, that Bucky had been fighting with, side by side, for well over a century—that he loved more than anyone.

“She punched me a couple of times,” Steve admitted wryly, and Bucky barked a laugh, because _yeah_ , that sounded like Carter alright. Steve smiled and looked down at his hands, at the wedding ring that shone on his fourth finger, and Bucky’s heart _ached_.

Not because he was jealous, but because Steve looked so damned _sad_.

“Was it a good life?” He asked, leaning back a little so he could look at Steve better. “Were you happy?” The ‘ _without me_ ’ hung between them, loud and clear as though he’d shouted the words rather than swallowed them down, and Bucky _couldn’t_ … he couldn’t look away from Steve’s eyes.

Beautiful and bright blue like the skies on the fourth of July, so gorgeous that it took Bucky’s breath away, even after all this time.

“As happy as I could be,” Steve said quietly, reaching out to touch his hand to Bucky’s. “I tried, you know? To find you, to destroy Hydra before they could hurt you, but then…”

“I wouldn’t have been here now,” Bucky finished.

He flipped his hand, tangling his fingers with Steve’s lightly. “I’m glad you didn’t risk it.” He took a deep breath before he looked up, tears burning in his eyes, despite his resolve to keep it together. “Was it worth it? Was it what you dreamed of?”

“Not exactly,” Steve smiled wryly. “You weren’t there.”

Bucky sobbed a laugh, tilting forward until his forehead made contact with Steve’s. “I missed you, punk,” he choked, eyes fluttering closed when Steve tangled his fingers in Bucky’s hair at the nape of his neck. “I fucking missed you.”

“I was gone five seconds,” Steve chuckled. “If anyone missed anyone, I missed _you_.”

“’Snot a competition,” Bucky grumbled lightly, and Steve _laughed_ , bright and loud, like he hadn’t in _years_ , and for all Bucky knew, Steve _hadn’t_ laughed like that since Peggy’s death.

“I missed you, Buck,” Steve whispered, like it was a secret, like he wanted no one but Bucky to ever be privy to those words, and it felt _intimate_ , like the days they’d spent in Wakanda, laughing, tripping over the kids—both goat and human—as they tried to run the chores that the little farm had brought with it, sharing memories and their lives, as much as they could with Steve running off to pick fights with bad people all over the world regularly.

“I’m here,” he replied, quietly and intimately. “I’m here, Steve.”

Steve finally broke, a sob falling from his lips as he threw himself into Bucky’s arms, hugging him as tightly as he had before he stepped into the time machine.

Bucky hugged him back just as tightly.

He was never letting go again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later… After Bucky had helped Steve get set up in a room adjacent to Bucky’s in Wakanda’s palace—because Shuri and T’Challa both refused to take no for an answer—Bucky found Sam sitting in one of the garden retreats, staring at the shield with wide eyes, almost like he couldn’t quite believe all that had happened that day.

Bucky knew the feeling.

“Hey,” Bucky said, sitting down beside Sam. They liked to give each other shit, a lot of the time, but Sam had been there for Steve when Bucky hadn’t been able to, and Bucky _did_ appreciate that. Also, getting erased out of existence and then being brought back together kind of created a bond.

“Hey,” Sam replied without taking his eyes off the shield. “How’re you doing, man?”

Bucky opened his mouth to tell Sam that he was _fine_ , like he’d told Shuri and T’Challa and Wanda and _everyone else_ who’d asked him that same question since Steve had come back a hundred years older, but the words stuck in his throat this time. “I don’t know,” he said eventually. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “Me too.”

They were both quiet, for a moment, lost in their own thoughts, before Sam admitted, “I kind of feel like a lost my best friend all over again.”

Bucky nodded slowly. “I know. Me too. But he was happy. I can’t… I don’t know if he ever was before.”

Sam made a disbelieving noise. “You didn’t see him before he got you back, man.”

Bucky shook his head, smiling humorlessly. “I know he loves me, Sam. Always known that. But I ain’t Peggy Carter, and that woman stole Steve’s heart the second he laid eyes on her. He had a shot… he took it. Can’t blame him for that.”

Sam shook his head. “No, guess we can’t.”

“’Sides…” Bucky shrugged. “He ain’t gone yet. Serum’s still keeping him healthy. He’s old, but according to Shuri’s scans, he’s healthier than most young people. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon.” He rubbed his hands over his arms, rubbing a little warmth into them, because Wakandan nights got _cold_ sometimes, and sighed.

“He’s still here, Sam. Still himself. He just looks his age now.”

Sam nodded slowly. “He’s still here,” he repeated sluggishly. “He’s still Steve.”

Bucky snorted. “He tried to pick a fight with Bruce five minutes after making it back, of course he’s still _Steve_.” Sam smiled fondly, shaking his head a little as he stroked his fingers across the shield.

“We’ll make it work,” Bucky said firmly, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Sam. “We’ll figure something out.”

Sam looked more doubtful, but nodded eventually. “Yeah. We will.” He looked down at the shield again and grinned. “You know how to use this thing, right? Wanna help me figure it out?”

Bucky laughed. “Sure, birdbrain.”

They’d be alright.

They’d make it work.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
